Back to School and Back to Support

Our first meeting of the new school year was a welcome one this month. Previous attendees to the group were happy to re-connect and catch up on news of the summer. There were some new parents to the group, who were welcomed with shared stories of adoption, adjustment, hopes and fears.

As a group we talked about some topics for discussion at upcoming meetings. Together we also brainstormed ideas for raising the profile of the group in order that we might connect with more new parents who might enjoy the group.

It was agreed that a Facebook group be created, and this has since happened. It will certainly be a useful tool in reaching out to community.

As always, the meeting was a good mix of laughter, serious discussion, shared wisdom and knowledge. The next meeting was confirmed for October 6th, and we are expecting more new parents to attend.

Happy Pride 2011

As Otttawa celebrates our Pride week, I often take a moment to reflect on the amazing people in my life and all of the work that happened by the previous generations and so my lovely rainbow family could have our fabulous queer lives and legally raise our families in a place where many of our rights, including our ability to get married and adopt children are protected. And I am grateful.

I am also finally able to think clearly beyond the day-to-day demands of the daily juggle to think about what are the things that have helped me grow as a parent. My personal top LGBTQ adoptive parent strategies are:

1) Find help with life's challenges and have it on standby so its ready when you need it. Don't wait for crisis points.

2) If you are already in a crisis, don't make it worse by isolating yourself.

3) For help with both of the above, join the LGBTQ post-adoption support group and for once feel completely at ease in a group full of parents.

4) Dance as much as you can, whenever you can, especially if your bad 80's moves will entertain your child.

5) Find a great gym with child care and do all you can to be fit so you can move as fast as your child, especially in a crowded parking lot.

6) Eat meals at home as a family, pack your own lunches, and save your pennies for an occasional babysitter and quiet dinner out. Treat good babysitters like goddesses.

7) Do whatever it takes to get some sleep, especially in the early days.

8) Get your child used to trips and sleeping away from home early so you can take family trips.

9) Invite supportive queer friends over to your home, go to theirs, and generally figure out how to help each other.

10) Resist any pressure to be someone else's idea of a perfect parent and generally relax about anything which is not crucial to health or safety.

Happy Pride 2011!

Family Day Article in the Ottawa Citizen - Feb 20, 2011

I am glad to support Ottawa's LGBTQ family day celebration.
Here's the article in the Ottawa Citizen.
http://www.ottawacitizen.com/story_print.html?id=4318471&sponsor=

New Year, Better Support

Our January meeting was truly comforting for me because two new families attended and I gained nuggets from their stories which gave me new insight on my parenting. I have long thought that the smartest people are those who actively seek and offer support in our community and this was reconfirmed by an amazing, smart and enjoyable group who were willing to share a caring ear and some much-needed laughter. Many of us face incredible challenges in parenting special needs adoptive children and it is a true pleasure to witness the strength and resourcefulness of fiercely loving parents.

With appreciation,

Celeste

Looking forward to the December meeting!

I am really looking forward to our December meeting and learning from the wisdom around the table.

It's the time of the year where many families are a little more tired, overscheduled, or coughing their way through the holiday season. At our house, my lovely wife and daughter have created some kind of fire-signed Saggitarius secret society whereby they keep our home perpetually lit up with excitement, lights, and loud holiday toys which sing, bark or dance.

I enjoy all the fun too but I also struggle a bit this time of year as I think of Christmases shared with loved ones who have passed away and I probably try a little to hard to find both spiritual peace and a perfectly seasoned gluten free stuffing recipe.

And like many families created by adoption, we try to find the right balance between acknowledging our children's unique life paths and related issues and simply enjoying some quality time with our chosen family.

And I know it will all be just a bit easier after attending the GLBTQ post-adoption support group this week.

Parent-led Support Group Continues

Since my partner and I adopted a three year old daughter in April 2009, I have been purposefully learning how to parent and an important part of that process has been to participate in this group.

Our first meeting of the year was held on Oct 20th with excellent support and homemade muffins. It was a delight to be in a room full of so much queer parenting wisdom, honesty, and compassion. I echo one of the participant's comment "this is just what I needed."

If you are a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans family and have recently gone through the life-altering process of adopting or if you did so a long time ago are now turning a new page in your evolution as a parent, please e-mail me about joining us.

With appreciation,
Celeste

Welcome to a New Year

We're into a new year and our group continues to grow with adoptive and adoptive parents-to-be. If you'd like to be added to our mailing list, please let us know at lgbtqadoptionottawa [at] rogers [.] com .

Here's a list of topics for the remainder of the year. This are just general guidelines for discussion and we often digress and explore current issues happening in our households.

February: Attachment
The focus of this discussion will be on attachment in the adoptive family. What has helped build strong attachments with our children? We will allow discuss how each parent in an adoptive couple might experience attachment with their adoptive child(ren) to varying degrees, and vice versa in terms of the pace that children attach to their adoptive parents. In addition, we will consider difficult attachments and their impacts on adoptive parents.

March: Not-So-Closed Adoptions
The focus of this discussion will explore adoptions in which birth families are involved with our children – whether as part of a negotiated open or partially open adoption, because they have found our adoptive families or because we have reached out to them. How are these relationships negotiated? How do we decide whether our children are ready for this contact? What do we do if we aren’t ready?

April: Queering our Kids, Gender Binaries, and Parenting Parameters
The focus of this discussion will explore how adoptive couples negotiate different parenting styles within their relationships. We will also consider how gender roles come to be assigned, reinforced and challenged within our relationships. Lastly, our discussion will consider the impact of our family structure on adoptive children with no past experience of the LGBTQ community.

May: Open Forum
The topic of this meeting is being left open to allow for the inclusion of interests that emerge over the course of the year and demand a more committed timeframe for discussion.

June: Adoption Process and Post-Adoption Support
The focus of this discussion will be a discussion of the adoption options and process within the Ottawa community, as well as a discussion of the post-adoption support available to families. The discussion will be grounded in the experiences of participants and is intended as a forum in which parents-to-be can receive helpful hints, and ask questions in a safe, candid environment.